Dealing with problematic relationships?

Here are some tips I believe will help you cope !

Try not to take things personally: Sometimes, people are difficult simply because of WHO they are. It might have nothing at all to do with you. Try not to take it personally taking comments from difficult people personally only makes dealing with that person harder for you.

Ensure understanding and communication: A lot of times, an argument will develop because of communication breakdowns. When someone is talking, listen carefully and make sure you understand that person’s point before you respond. Likewise, make sure the other person understands your own point.

Use appropriate phrases when needed: If you sense that a communication breakdown has occurred, address it immediately.

 Use “I” rather than “you” : Using a statement that contains “I” involves less risk than a statement that contains “you.” The first pronoun doesn’t sound like an accusation, so people are less likely to react negatively. For instance, instead of saying, “You never sent me that email,” consider saying, “I never received that email.”

Ask questions rather than make statements: Difficult people often have strong opinions. Sometimes they’re right, but other times they might be wrong. And when they’re wrong, a more effective way to point this out is to ask questions rather than to make statements. By asking questions, you might be able to help the person recognize the issues in his or her own position, with less risk of a confrontation.

Have supporting evidence in writing: Are you in a meeting and trying to make a point but getting major resistance from someone? If so, have written documentation that supports your claims.

Separate the issue from the person: Always separate the idea from the person. In particular, if you have a concern, make clear that the concern lies with the idea. Yes, the difficult person is commenting on an idea of yours separate yourself from it and look at it objectively. Criticisms of the idea will be less disturbing to you.

Be assertive: You don’t have to be a doormat, but you also need not be rude at all even when the other person is being rude. Simply stick to your facts and your arguments and remain professional.

Sometimes you politely give them a mirror: This may sound out of place but this is what i mean! Difficult people like to take the offensive, and they like to put other people on the defensive. Try turning the tables on that person. For example, if someone says, “We can’t do that,” ask, “What CAN you do?” If that person says, “We can’t be ready by that date,” ask “When CAN you be ready?” or “What factors are keeping you from being ready on that date?”

Show appreciation when appropriate: Even if someone has a difficult personality, that person can help you learn a skill or give you insight. If that happens, let the person know you appreciate it. Just be sincere.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.(Romans 12:8)

Enjoy a peaceful week end people ….


Avoiding Harrassment !

Today’s gist is really hot! Because on this platform today we have different wonderful people comment on this gist and here is what they have to say!


1454721_10151707852102301_1867227715_n[1]Dr Mrs Odusote CEO- Winiseph Home (Caring for the older citizens) standing just by the right hand side with her hand bag! Here is what she has to say ‘Women stand up for yourself! Never look down on you because if you do, you just might encourage harassment.





Giddy=))Here is Mr Tega and his pretty wife! Here is what he has to say “Don’t laugh at jokes with sexual innuendo or get involved in sexually charged conversations. If you do hang around people who enjoy a lot of attention from the opposite sex, others will assume that you want that attention too.”’




KayMr Kalu thinks you should make sure you are not giving the wrong vibes! Think on these babes, what vibes are you sending out?





502012536_univ_cnt_4_xl[1]And lastly, from my humble self  ollaflaky here is what I have to say! You really have to stand up for yourself babes! People usually don’t back off unless you give the clear message. Just stand up and say ‘No!’





Talk To someone!If that doesn’t work, tell someone !”but seriously guy’s talk to someone you feel at peace in your spirit with or send me an email. I just might have one or two professional advice that could help!




God gives his angels charge over you! Believe this and don’t put yourself in compromising situations!

Enjoy a splendid weekend all

Harassment or self-respect!


Peeps! This gist is basically to introduce you to tips that will help you avoid harassment!

‘Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer grows you, respect you or add to your self-worth’

Self-respect and self-esteem play hand in hand with one another. Self-esteem gives you the confidence to succeed and say NO to harmful gestures.

You and only you are responsible for your fate. Really,life is no fun if you spend it hating yourself. This stifles any progress you hope to make. Once your confidence is up, you will stop making the terrible mistake of wanting to be accepted by every one!pretty meah !

When you love yourself, you take pride in who you are and what you have to offer.

Too many people place the needs of others before their own, but in order to respect others, you need to meet your own needs first!

How can you truly learn to appreciate others if you can’t even appreciate yourself? This is fundamental to personal growth and a concept I encourage you to realize!

You should watch out for my next gist on tips for avoiding harassment!

Who is harassing her?

Experience of coerced sex reduces a woman’s ability to see her sexuality as something over which she has control,” says the World Health Organisation (WHO) in its First World Report on Violence and Health. Sexual violence often occurs when a person engages in a sexual act with another person by force.

The growing cases of violence against women, particularly rape of minors and elderly women, do not only call for concern but also for concerted efforts to eliminate it in our country Nigeria. This tacitly summarises the need for more well-trained, well-informed and well-equipped social workers in Nigeria!

Violence Against Persons Prohibition Bill seek to eliminate or reduce this harassment to the barest minimum. I have seen from observation that sexual violence occurs in times of peace and armed conflict and it is considered to be one of the most traumatic and pervasive event in one’s life.

Sexual violence is a serious public health concern which has serious short-term or long-term impact on the victims’ physical and mental health, while heightening the risks of sexual and reproductive health problems.

Sexual violence includes



Sex abuse

While violence against women comes in different forms such as battery, rape, forced marriage, female genital mutilation, sexual harassment, human trafficking and harmful widowhood rites. The thing is most crimes are under-reported.


Recently, I came across a case of sexual assault against an aged woman with amnesia! Am like is this for real? But the truth is ‘is actually for real’.

Rape victims cut across ages, with the rape of minors and the elderly on a startling increase in Nigeria! From study and observation of cases, I discovered that perpetrators are usually not strangers! They cut across class, status and religious orientation; comprising Relatives, Pastors, Imams, Traditional rulers, Teachers, Policemen, Soldiers and Ordinary citizens.

The gist here is that rape could have harmful and lasting physical, psychological and reproductive health consequences for the victims, their families and communities. Sexual violence could cause severe physical injuries and trauma-related psychological disorders which might affect the victims for a long time.

The social effects of sexual violence can also be severe as the victims may experience social death’ by being stigmatised within their communities following the assault! The more common consequences of sexual violence were those relating to reproductive health, mental health and social wellbeing. While migraines and other frequent headaches, gastrointestinal disorders (abdominal pain), back pain, facial pain and even death are some of the physical effects.

Victims of sexual violence usually face immediate problems such as shock, fear, anxiety, withdrawal, guilt, self-blame, nervousness, distrust of others and chronic depression, as well as some psychological problems, attempted or completed suicides and post-traumatic stress disorders (PTSD) such as emotional detachment, sleep disturbances and mental replay of the incident.

Reproductive health consequences include unwanted pregnancies which might result in abortion and death, as well as sexually transmitted infections such as HIV and AIDS.

What I wish for is that we practice international and regional instruments which promote women’s health and women empowerment, while doing away with traditions and practices that are destructive in Nigeria.

Women! Watch out for my next post on tips for avoiding sexual harassment!




Stress relief from laughter!
A good sense of humour obviously cannot cure-all ailments, but data are mounting about the positive things laughter can do.
Laughter serves more beneficial purposes than turning noses into milk spigots. It acts as a sophisticated social signalling system, helping people bond and even negotiate status. Have you ever noticed that most social laughter does not result from any obvious joke?
Spicing it up also has a lot of health benefits: It lowers anxiety, aids circulation and boosts the immune system. This contagious convulsion has positive impact!


Short-term benefit Good laugh has great short-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn’t just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body.

Surfing the internet, I found out that Laughter can:

Stimulate many organs Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.

Activate and relieve your stress responses A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response and increases your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.

Soothe tensions-Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

Long-term effect- Laughter isn’t just a quick pick-me-up, though. It’s also good for you over the long haul.

Surfing the internet I found out that Laughter may:

Improve your immune systems- Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. In contrast, positive thoughts actually release neuroleptics that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.

Relieve pains Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers. Laughter may also break the pain-spasm cycle common to some muscle disorders.

Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people.

Improve your moods-Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier. ‘Job 8:21 He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting’



A joyful heart is good medicine

How do you see your self?

Some women are often confused about what it means to have low self-esteem especially teenagers! Although, this gist is for everyone, both male and female because I believe we have some men who have issues with self-esteem. Some think it has to do with the way you look or how popular you are with your friends or others. Others believe that having a great body will help you gain self-esteem, while others think you actually need to have accomplished something in order to have good self-esteem.

Boiled down to its simplicity, self-esteem simply means appreciating YOU for who you are ‘faults, foibles and all’. It seems like other cultures don’t grapple with self-esteem as much as Nigerians perhaps because of the emphasis we seem to put on materialistic indicators of self-worth (like what kind of car you drive, what school your kids attend, what your grades are, how well you can paint your face, how big a house you have, or what your title is at work).

The difference between someone with a healthy or good self-esteem and someone who doesn’t isn’t ability, per se. It’s simply acknowledgement of your strengths and weaknesses, and moving through the world safe in that knowledge.


People with a good and healthy self-esteem are able to feel good about themselves for who they are, appreciate their own worth, and take pride in their abilities and accomplishments. They also acknowledge that while they’re not perfect and have faults, those faults don’t play an overwhelming or irrationally large role in their lives or their own self-image (how you see yourself).

Which brings me to the question I’m often asked ‘how can I increase my self-esteem?’ Here’s how

  1. Take a Self-Esteem Inventory.
  2. See yourself in the light of God’s word.
  3. Do not be a spectator! Get involved.


‘Does my father exist at all even though he is still breathing and living on this earth? ’


The father figure does not always have to be a child’s biological father! Some children will have a biological father as well as a step- or nurturing father. But the gist for today is if your father is not acting the way he should or did not act the way he was supposed to in the past and even till date! Forgive him. We can’t turn back the hands of time and rewrite our childhood but what we can do is make better decisions as humans by being honest with our issues and making an effort to better our situations. The Truth SHE mustn’t forget is ‘The Creator of the Universe is always HER FATHER’

Traditionally, fathers act in a protective, supportive and responsible way towards their children. Involved fathers offer developmentally specific provisions to their daughters and sons throughout the life cycle and are impacted themselves by doing so.


Though fathers are the first men a young girl knows thus setting the stage for all the other men in her life. An increased amount of father–child involvement may help increase a child’s social stability, educational achievement, and their potential to have a solid marriage as an adult. When this relationship never occurs, we have trouble navigating our “man map” and often end up on roads we rather have not discovered. Even as grown women there are “little girls” walking around inside of us with pain and yearnings for our fathers. Such manifestation comes through promiscuity, numerous failed relationships, poor decision when dating, lack of self-worth, and insecurity to name a few.561387_3610494333907_158545174_n[2]

From my own personal observations, I found out that an active father figure does play a role in reducing behaviour and psychological problems in our lives. Their children also can be more curious about the world around them and develop greater problem solving skills. Attached to this gist are photo’s of great men whom I have Learnt from ! some , I have had the opportunity to meet and some I only see on Television and social media platforms ! Though my own daddy  ‘Barmi’ is in the midst of them but he did not do the work of raising me alone!

According to some interesting findings, the relationship with your dad while growing up is one of the most powerful forces in your life as an adult. The state of that relationship guides your choices in love, work and how you treat yourself .Every so often the root of failed or dysfunctional relationships, poor decision making in women or self-esteem issues plants itself as “Daddy issues” amongst women but the truth is God will place father figures along your path to guild you if you allow them and above all he himself is a father ,always loving you in spite of all your short comings.

Research has shown that children who were raised with fathers perceive themselves to be more cognitively and physically competent than their peers without a father! And you dearest, have The Almighty God, The one who was and who is and is to come! The great I am that I am. He is your Father and every other father gives account to him. He is God Alone.

Cheer up girl! God is a loving Father.

Is your motive right?

If you are not a Christian, I hope you desire to express love as defined in the Bible. However, wanting to do so and attempting to do so in the power of your own will is guaranteed to fail. This kind of love is only possible through relying on the power of God, through faith in Jesus Christ.

Even if you are a Christian, you will not succeed if you do not abide in Christ.

• If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
• And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
• If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
• Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.
• It does not insist on its own way.
• It is not irritable or resentful
• It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.
• It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.
• Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.
• And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and may his love be prevalent in our country Nigeria.

So, I will ask again! Is love your motive?
1st Corinthians 13.

Anything less is just not okay.

Several inter-related socio-economic factors have led to poor economic status of a large segment of Nigerian women.

If you are familiar with the issue of poverty, you might know that although women perform two-thirds of the world’s unpaid labour and grow more than half the world’s food yet 70% of people living below the poverty line are women and these women are stressed!

In the short term, stress isn’t always a bad thing. It can motivate us to deal with a situation that poses some level of threat and the burst of adrenaline and other hormonal changes that occur during a stress response can heighten our senses and give us extra amounts of energy but chronically stressful situations that go unaddressed can lead to serious health problems and emotional imbalance which can prevent a woman from forging ahead.

It is to this end that I encourage Nigerians to join forces and empower women in our
environment facing hardship because I believe this will enhance their productivity and empower them to be good role models to the Nigerian Child!

“Every woman has the right to a good life full of abundance and plenty! and to know that anything less is just not okay.”

Concerned about bad breath?

It’s a good idea to clean your tongue, particularly the posterior portion near the back of the mouth. If you’re only performing a routine teeth cleaning, brushing your tongue won’t add any additional protection against cavities or gum disease.

When you brush your teeth after a meal, you’re using your toothbrush to dislodge plaque that’s formed on the surfaces of your teeth and along the gum line. Plaque formation occurs when you eat a meal and food sticks to the rough surfaces of the teeth. When bacteria break down these food particles, the result is plaque which can lead to dental caries and gum disease.

Unlike the rough surfaces of teeth where food can readily stick and lodge between teeth and along the gum line, the anterior portion of the tongue is a smooth surface bathed in saliva which protects it from accumulation of food particles and bacteria. So for dental health, it isn’t necessary to brush your tongue every time you clean your teeth. Brushing your tongue should have little effect on your risk of developing cavities or gum disease.

Although you may not need to clean your tongue to protect your teeth or gums, it may be helpful if you’re concerned about bad breath! Although the anterior tongue isn’t generally a breeding ground for bacteria due to its self-cleaning ability, the posterior portion of the tongue which experiences less self-cleaning action, may be a source for bacteria that can cause bad breath. Because of this reason when brushing your tongue, your efforts should be concentrated on the posterior portion of the tongue.

Cleaning the tongue using a toothbrush, especially the posterior aspect of the tongue, may increase your risk of gagging although Sometimes the tendency to gag can be offset by using a tongue scraper instead.

Scrapers can be purchased in some pharmaceuticals stores and online though i have never tried getting one on line myself! But seriously, this can make the task of cleaning the tongue easier and more effective. It usually takes several passes with the tongue scraper to do a thorough job of brushing your tongue. It should never be done with force for risk of abrading the delicate tongue surface. Combining this with a mouthwash that neutralizes sulphur producing bacteria can eliminate breath odor in some people. Friends,please do not forget the posterior portion of the tongue should be thoroughly cleaned on a regular basis.

Have fun!
Tongue brushing takes only an additional minute of work!